Maybe someday

Sometimes I just sit in my room and stare at my wall. My mind is blank and I get lost. There's this big black hole in my life I have been trying to fill since a very long time now. I don't even know what to do in order to fill it or make it disappear.

I read somewhere that pain changes people. I keep wondering whether it changed me. A very long time ago I was this fierce, bold, confident and independent woman. I thought I had everything in me to overcome the world. Now when I look into the mirror, all I see is a very low self esteemed woman who is not even sure whether to get out of the bed every morning.Everyday I think I'll be different from tomorrow. But when tomorrow becomes today, I realise that nothing has changed and I'm still the same.

The worst feeling in all this agony is when I learnt how to hide my pain. I have mastered in the art of faking it. The people around me started believing that I'm the most optimistic and happiest person they have ever seen. I can't stop smiling when I'm around people. I guess maybe because I always wanted to make others happy around me no matter how hard my life is.

I think I have lost all hopes now. Hopes for a better tomorrow. My mom keeps asking me to start praying. She thinks I have all these problems because I don't pray. What I'm unable to tell her is how do I pray when I don't think I'm worthy enough to be heard.

It feels like a faraway dream that someday I'll write a post here telling you that I prayed and I was heard and things are better now. Maybe someday.

Getting lost in Goa

Strange things happen when you take a small detour. Sometimes unknowingly. So there I was with my oldest school friends visiting Goa for the first time. I was super excited. After millions of cancelled plans, I was finally going. So we wanted to visit the famous Chapora fort. My friend in the front seat ended up putting the wrong location and it was a disaster. So in the hush push of going back to the actual location, we stopped midway. Wanna know why? Check the video. We found a small spot. Absolutely no crowd around, no selfies been taken and mostly the thing that mattered was that there was no distractions. The view was breathtaking and I couldn't help but get lost in nature. So I guess sometimes getting lost is a good thing.

He's that friend

He's that friend who listens to my non-ending stories.
He's that friend who never interupts my storytelling sessions even when Im repeating it for the millionth time.
He's that friend who always has

time for me no-matter how busy he is.
He's that friend who cares a bit too much.
He's that friend I can always count on.
He's that friend who's always ready to drink cuz I want to.
He's that friend who laughs at my dumbest jokes.
He's that friend I can sit with and watch movies for hours.
He's that friend whose clothes become mine.
He's that friend who is patient with me.
He's that friend whose house is my second home.
He's that friend who silently cries when I cry.
He's that friend who never judges.
He's that friend who remembers every tiny detail of my life.
He's that friend whose shoulder is my comfort zone.
He's that friend who knows when to just hold me tight and not let go.
He's that friend who never gives up on me.
He's that friend who never fails to believe in me even when the entire world has stopped believing.
He's that friend who doesn't take me for granted.
He's that friend who understands my silence.
He's that friend I am blessed to have.
He's that friend I'm proud to call my BEST FRIEND.

Crush Problem

We all have crushes. Its basic human activity. But its always better if our crushes remain a stranger. Its easier to imagine all the good stuff about them even if it might not be true. The moment the crush is no longer a stranger, it becomes a CRUSH PROBLEM.

I had a crush on a guy from a very long time. I see him daily in my office. He is a hottie and he dresses up way too well. A complete gentleman. Sometimes I fear he is gay because he dresses up that neat. He is a loner. I have never seen him roaming around with women. As a matter of fact, not much with men either. This has intrigued my attention towards him.

Few days back I went for tea break with my friend. I did not know that his entire guy gang would join up. And guess what? The hottie was one of them. Then the nightmare started. I actually started getting information about my crush which is never good.

He ended up becoming an Oriya. Same as me. He is 2 years younger than me and DOESN'T DRINK. The major turn-off part. And then I got to know he is in a serious relationship. And that is when, my crush got crushed. Dear Future Crush, please stay a stranger.

When someone remembers

Ever thought how it feels when someone remembers the little things you tell them a long time ago? It is probably the best feeling ever. You end up thinking "Wow.. He actually listens to me".

The biggest example would be my best friend. Everyone knows how difficult it is to be a best friend. You are bound to hear the unending stories that the other has to say. But my bestie always surprises me in the most wonderful way possible. He actually remembers every single person from my life though he has never met them. I guess I got myself a keeper whom I'll never let go.

Few days back, another such thing happened. I have always been a huge fan of Fish Pickle. I still remember Kezia used to get home-made fish pickle to college. I have been searching them all over Hyderabad but never been successful. That is when suddenly one day a friend from office called me and handed over a new bottle of Fish Pickle. I was in shock. I never thought that people would actually remember such a small detail about me. And trust me, it felt great. So my dear people, never fail to surprise someone with the little things in life. As those little things mean a lot.

Cute guy on the road

A normal boring day at office. Tired as fuck by 9:30pm. I was heading home in my moped. I was taking a left turn and saw a super cute guy showing hand for lift. And I heard him saying 'please' with those innocent sparkly eyes. I wanted to stop so bad but I

was already driving so fast that if I would have stopped, I'm pretty sure someone would have hit me from behind. I couldn't stop for him.
The rest of my return journey went regretting for not stopping. He was so cute with those beautiful eyes. I kept thinking, what would have happened if I would have given him lift? We would have talked the entire road and maybe exchanged numbers at the end of the day. My day wouldn't have been a complete shit. But then again, it's all fantasy now coz I'm home now sitting alone thinking WHAT IF?

Men/Women as roommates??

Well I have always thought of myself as a modern girl with open thoughts almost about everything. Since my college days, I had more male friends than females. Not that I liked the company more, but somehow I ended up with them. So, when I started working, every now and then, some guy friend keeps visiting and crashing my place over the weekend.
This weekend particularly, one of my good friend crashed my place. I was very happy since I was meeting him after 1.5 years. But that's when I also realised it's not so comfy sharing your room with men anymore. Atleast not more than a night.

Now I know what everyone is thinking. It's not because you don't feel safe with them. I know all my friends are very caring towards me and I'm the safest with them. So that's not the problem. It's just I can't do the weird things I do alone. I had to run to the bathroom everytime I wanted to fart. You have to sleep on 1 side of the huge ass mattress you bought. Which means you don't get to twist and turn in whatever direction you want to. And the worst part of all was, I couldn't remove my bra at home. I felt suffocating wearing a bra 24*7. In short, you always need women to be your roommates. Coz they don't care if you wear a bra or don't inside the house. You can be a complete shameless infront of them. I guess the only man infront of whom I can remove my bra and still be comfortable would be my lover. Whoever that is. I guess I'm getting old.