Maybe someday

Sometimes I just sit in my room and stare at my wall. My mind is blank and I get lost. There's this big black hole in my life I have been trying to fill since a very long time now. I don't even know what to do in order to fill it or make it disappear.

I read somewhere that pain changes people. I keep wondering whether it changed me. A very long time ago I was this fierce, bold, confident and independent woman. I thought I had everything in me to overcome the world. Now when I look into the mirror, all I see is a very low self esteemed woman who is not even sure whether to get out of the bed every morning.Everyday I think I'll be different from tomorrow. But when tomorrow becomes today, I realise that nothing has changed and I'm still the same.

The worst feeling in all this agony is when I learnt how to hide my pain. I have mastered in the art of faking it. The people around me started believing that I'm the most optimistic and happiest person they have ever seen. I can't stop smiling when I'm around people. I guess maybe because I always wanted to make others happy around me no matter how hard my life is.

I think I have lost all hopes now. Hopes for a better tomorrow. My mom keeps asking me to start praying. She thinks I have all these problems because I don't pray. What I'm unable to tell her is how do I pray when I don't think I'm worthy enough to be heard.

It feels like a faraway dream that someday I'll write a post here telling you that I prayed and I was heard and things are better now. Maybe someday.

Getting lost in Goa

Strange things happen when you take a small detour. Sometimes unknowingly. So there I was with my oldest school friends visiting Goa for the first time. I was super excited. After millions of cancelled plans, I was finally going. So we wanted to visit the famous Chapora fort. My friend in the front seat ended up putting the wrong location and it was a disaster. So in the hush push of going back to the actual location, we stopped midway. Wanna know why? Check the video. We found a small spot. Absolutely no crowd around, no selfies been taken and mostly the thing that mattered was that there was no distractions. The view was breathtaking and I couldn't help but get lost in nature. So I guess sometimes getting lost is a good thing.

He's that friend

He's that friend who listens to my non-ending stories.
He's that friend who never interupts my storytelling sessions even when Im repeating it for the millionth time.
He's that friend who always has

time for me no-matter how busy he is.
He's that friend who cares a bit too much.
He's that friend I can always count on.
He's that friend who's always ready to drink cuz I want to.
He's that friend who laughs at my dumbest jokes.
He's that friend I can sit with and watch movies for hours.
He's that friend whose clothes become mine.
He's that friend who is patient with me.
He's that friend whose house is my second home.
He's that friend who silently cries when I cry.
He's that friend who never judges.
He's that friend who remembers every tiny detail of my life.
He's that friend whose shoulder is my comfort zone.
He's that friend who knows when to just hold me tight and not let go.
He's that friend who never gives up on me.
He's that friend who never fails to believe in me even when the entire world has stopped believing.
He's that friend who doesn't take me for granted.
He's that friend who understands my silence.
He's that friend I am blessed to have.
He's that friend I'm proud to call my BEST FRIEND.